At night certain uneasiness dawned at me, soon after a soft pain accompanied it.At crack of dawn the cramping of stomach overtook the siesta. Apprehending the day ahead, I resolute for light breakfast and meal,but morning progressed with nausea and stomach cramping. And my resolution resulted as no food at all.
After completion of half day work of Saturday, with sinking energy when I had been heading home the mind was too speedy. Totally overpowered by the non-conducive thoughts, the mind was struggling to give up.
Hours after, while making the bed my brain was still roaming and recalling those long buried hurts and people.
The rolling incidents of my mind were vitality sapping and subjects were negating people! I was continuously wandering into the dark lanes of morose thoughts, feeding on precious vital energy. The vampires of life were my subject thoughts and had been sucking me mightily.
Even my awareness to overpowering negativity seemed frail. At the moment, to cut the vicious thread of moronic thoughts seemed a herculean task. My struggle went for hours with failed triumph.
Why I was so engulfed unable to discard it, I was amazed. I recollected my day schedule. I wondered the causes of it. Are my missed quotas of brain rescheduling meditation and hourly japa resulted to this havocking energy dissipating miserly thoughts?
For the ease, I halted for a deep breath, tried to relax and prayed ,O’ lord take care of me. I glanced at the Shiva family the most empowered one-the Adi Guru, the ruler of the universe. Ma Parvati or Ma Durga, strength or “Durg” of self. The obstacle remover Ganpati is the doorway to joyful day and endevour. The Lord of purity, Kartikeya, the mighty discipline and discriminator of mind. His presence in life ensures safety and success. The Kalpa Brichya or boon giver or wish fulfiller/ Nandi.
At the moment I wanted to capture my lost vitality. I started to grasp the essence of Ganpati.
-Peace leads to concentration.
-Awareness of present moment.,
-Being attentive-talk less and listening more.,
- Acquiring power of discrimination.
- Equanimity- digests good and bad with equal ease.
I had to ponder on all that zones; I had to find my lost lane of bliss and harmony in the maze of whirly allies of negative thoughts. I had to work religiously on lost points of my Ganesha.
Entire incident gave me few mute points to ponder on. Was my sinking energy level, dragged me down in racy, morose thoughts. Or was it my inability to capture the positive frame of mind back fired? Or my indecisiveness and unawareness during illness had dissipated energy at the alacrity and I got pushed in lower thoughts?